Married life, between extravagance and stinginess

Married life, between extravagance and stinginess


“My husband is stingy”; “My husband does not buy me what I need”; “My husband gives money for his family, but he does not give me anything for me”; “My wife exaggerates in her expenses”; “My wife does not worry about saving, she does not care how hard I work”; “My wife asks too many things” … etc, etc. 

These are some of the statements that we hear from married couples.
It is difficult to find a home without this kind of problems; the husband accuses his wife of exaggerating his expenses, and she accuses him of being stingy; This leads to fights and disrupts married life, and can, in some cases, lead to divorce and the complete destruction of the family structure.
This problem, in all cases, occurs due to the lack of understanding of the rights that each spouse has over the other. One of the greatest rights of the wife over her husband is that he must provide for her, and her expenses and provision for her is considered, from the Islamic point of view, as one of the best ways in which he can spend in the charity; This includes food, drink, clothing, housing, and everything a wife may need to keep her healthy and lead a normal life.
Allah informs us that man’s duty is to provide for his wife, and this is one of the reasons why man has been made superior to woman, as Allah says:

{The men are in charge of the women because of the preference that Allah has had with them, and they must keep them with their goods …}[Quran 4:34]
There are many narrations in the Sunnah that prove the obligation that man has to provide for his wife, his children and whoever lives in his custody, as we see in the following accounts:

  • Jabir Ibn ‘Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu’ alayhi wa sallam, said on your farewell pilgrimage:“Fear Allah and treat women with benevolence, they are like captives in your hands. They have been entrusted to you and you can enjoy them based on the contract they have established. Your right to you is that you should treat them well in regard to food and clothing” [Muslim]
  • ‘Amer Ibn Al Ahwas Al Yushami, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that he heard the Prophet sallallaahu’ alayhi wa sallam on his farewell pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allah and exhort people:“Fear Allah and treat women with benevolence, they are like captives in your hands. If they become rebellious in their behavior, then do not share the bed with them and beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience, you should not resort to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives and they have rights over you. Your right is that they should not allow anyone who dislikes to enter your houses; The right of them is that you should treat them in a good way regarding food and clothing” [At-Tirmidhi]
  • Mu’awiah Ibn Haidah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported the following:“I asked the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam: What right does every wife of her husband have? He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:’ Feed her when you eat, dress her as you dress, do not hit her in the face, and do not insult her or separate her from her except inside the house. ‘

[Abu Dawud] Imam Al Jatabi, may Allah grant him forgiveness, said: “This proves the obligation to spend on wives and provide them with clothing; but it must be according to the possibilities of the husband. The Prophet sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam (may Allah exalt his mention) made this obligatory, whether the husband is present or traveling; and if, when she is traveling, she can not fulfill this responsibility, she remains a debt to him, which she must pay when she returns. “

  • Wahb, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “One of Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar’s servants, may Allah be pleased with him, said:’ I plan to stay here in Jerusalem for a month. ‘ Then, Ibn ‘Umar asked him:’ Did you leave enough for the support of your family during your absence? ‘ He replied: ‘No’. Ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said:’ Go back and give them enough (spend your livelihood) during your absence; I heard the Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, say: ‘Neglecting those whom one has in charge is enough reason for a man to be committing a sin’ “. [Abu Dawud] In the narration of this story found in the book of Imam Muslim, may Allah have his forgiveness, the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “It is enough sin for a person to retain his obligations to those under his responsibility. “
  • Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “I heard the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, say:’ It is much better for you to take a rope, go to the mountains (cut some wood), Carry it on your back, then sell it and in this way save your face (of shame) from asking people, regardless of whether they give them or not. The upper hand is better than the lower one (that is, the hand that gives is better than the one that receives); and be charitable to those under your care. ‘ Someone asked him: ‘Who are those who are under my care? He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: ‘ Your wife and those (others) who are under your protection. ‘” [Muslim]
    Imam Ibn Qudamah, Imam Ibn Al Munzir and others, may Allah forgive him, said: “It is the consensus of the sages of Islam that spending on the wife is obligatory for the husband, unless the wife be disobedient. “

The aforementioned texts prove that it is obligatory for man to provide for his family and home, and take care of them. There are many prophetic narratives that indicate the virtue of spending and providing for our families and our homes, such as the narration of Abu Musa An-Nasai, may Allah be pleased with him, who reported that the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:

Whenever one spends something in charity for his family, sincerely for the sake of Allah, he will be rewarded for it. [Al Bujari]

Imam Ibn Hayar, may Allah have mercy on him, said: “Providing for your family and spending on it is obligatory, even if it is mentioned as charity in the texts; The reason for it to be mentioned as charity, is for people to mistakenly think that they will not receive a reward for spending in this way. Allah clarified this so that people do not spend charity giving externally until they have satisfied the needs of their own homes, and encourage them to call it charity. ”
Sa’d Ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told him: “You will not spend anything in charity for the sake of Allah without being rewarded for it; even for the morsel of food you feed your wife . ” [Bukhari and Muslim]
Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ” (Of the following types of expenses): A dinar (ie, a gold coin) ) that you spend on the path of Allah, or to free a slave, or that you give as a charity to a person in need, or to help your family, the one that generates the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family “ . [Muslim]
Ka’b Ibn ‘Ayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: “The Prophet, sallallaahu’ alayhi wa sallam, once passed near a group of his companions and saw one of them working hard, while the others were saying: ‘He would have been rewarded if this hard work had been done for the sake of Allah.’ Then, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, clarified:“If he has left his house struggling to provide for his little children, then that effort is considered for the sake of Allah; and if he has left his house striving to provide for his elderly parents, that effort is considered for the sake of Allah; and if he has left struggling to provide for himself, so that he does not have to ask for money from others, then that effort is considered for the sake of Allah; but if he has gone out to show off and show off to others, then he is considered to have gone out because of Satan . ” [At-Tabarani]
The pious Salaf, may Allah have mercy upon them, fully understood this obligation and reflected it in their statements, as said by the devout Imam ‘Abdullah ibn Al Mubarak, may Allah have mercy on him: “No other way of spending can be equated to this, even spend in Jihad for the sake of Allah. ”
On the other hand, the wife must be aware that her husband is only obliged to spend according to his possibilities and economic condition, as Allah says:

May the wealthy keep [his son] , and to his ex-wife while nursing him] according to his means, and the one whose sustenance is limited that he does according to what Allah has provided him. Allah does not demand anyone beyond his means. And certainly, after all difficulty Allah will send you relief.}[Qur’an 65: 7]

Therefore, she has no right to overburden her husband with difficult demands, because this contradicts the benevolence with which husbands should treat each other. Furthermore, Allah warns us against excessive spending, when He says:

Because those who overreach are equal to the demons that follow Satan, and certainly Satan was ungrateful to his Lord.} [Quran 17:27]

The wife must take into consideration the economic condition of her husband and must be moderate in their expenses and demands, she must sacrifice certain requests in order not to cause distress to her husband.
On the other hand, the husband should not be stingy if Allah has granted him wealth; he must not deprive his wife of what other women of her same social status have of ornaments, clothes, etc., according to her possibilities; In addition, he should never remind his wife of the things he does for her. The husband must also know that the financial deprivation can be compensated with affectionate words for his wife. When Allah mentioned benevolence towards relatives, He emphasized how those who do not have economic possibilities should behave and speak, Saying:

And if you can not help them, but you wait for your Lord to please you to be able to do it, promising them well that you will.} [Quran 17:28]

Imam Ibn Kazir, may Allah forgive him, commenting on this verse, said: “It means, when a relative or others whom someone is obliged to help, ask for help and he has nothing to give them, then they He must promise in a kind and gentle way that when Allah gives him, he will give them. ”
Finally, both spouses must remember that affectionate words and good manners make them forget the difficulties and economic problems they may be going through, and help them endure with patience.


Today the world celebrates superficiality and excess, putting great value on material possessions. We often worry more about what others think about us, what we possess, and our external appearance, and less about what pleases Allah, which will benefit us in this life and in the other. Many of us are trapped in materialism and do not appreciate the blessings of Allah give us in this life. We waste our time accumulating and obsessively consuming more things than we need, and discarding the excess instead of sharing what we have with those less fortunate. If you are so busy showing your latest model car or your diamond ring, how can you focus your efforts on helping those in need? What is the place that Allah actually occupies in your life?

In Ramadan we usually spend our days fasting from time before sunrise to sunset, abstaining from both water and food.

Food is a valuable resource that we often take for granted. According to research, 15% of the world population has more than enough to eat, 60% have just enough, while 25% do not have enough food to eat (source: During the long fast of this sacred month, we are encouraged to occupy our thoughts on those less fortunate in this life, who feel that hunger and thirst during the whole year. This should create a sense of empathy so that we can give the necessary help and charity when there is a need. Many of us are blessed to be able to enter our kitchens at any time and open the refrigerator door full of food throughout the year. Having the blessing of such abundance, we can easily fall into wastefulness if we do not frequently remind ourselves that this is a blessing from Allah. It is a sin to waste that generosity, and it is assumed that as believers we must make good use of our resources and not be wasteful or exaggerated.

Islam encourages moderation in all things. Anything else is considered a waste. Allah commands us not to waste, says the Quran: {… [and has also created] palm trees, plants of different fruits, olive trees, and pomegranates; [all of it looks] similar, but [of fruits with flavors] different. Eat of their fruits when they ripen, but pay what corresponds to them [of Zakat] on the day of harvest; and do not squander, because Allah does not love the wasteful} [Qur’an 6: 141]. 

Many celebrate the month of Ramadan with endless buffets of food, commemorating this sacred month with lavishness, daily celebrations that extend until dawn. During these celebrations one eats non-stop throughout the night. This has a negative effect on both the body and the mind. Obesity, laziness, and a general lethargy attitude are often the result of this exaggeration. We have a moral obligation to avoid participating in these excesses. It is reported about the Prophet Yusuf (Joseph), peace be upon him, that he was once asked why he had never been seen with a full stomach, being that he had all the treasures of the world in his hands. His response was: “I’m afraid if my stomach gets full I could forget about the hungry.”

Many of us are falling into negative consumer habits as a result of aggressive advertising and commercial advertisements. The fashion industry contributes to wastefulness by creating trends, and consumers can not live without being in fashion for the season, which by the next season will already have changed. This dedication to trying to be in tune with the latest fashion only increases the accumulation of “disposable clothing”, which is no longer used simply because of the prevailing fashion trend. There is nothing wrong with liking nice clothes and making an effort to look good, but we must be careful not to go to extremes with our appearance. No one, in a reasonable way, can keep up with the rapid multiplication of styles launched by the fashion industry. This is also rapidly dragging consumers towards financial debts. Two negative characteristics of those who fall into this kind of extravagance are vainglory and exhibitionism. The profit,sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam , he disapproved of exhibiting himself in front of others. He, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam , warned us about this form of arrogance by giving this example:

“There was a man who walked with pride because of his thin cape and because he was satisfied with himself. Allah made him sink into the earth, and he will continue to sink in it until the Day of Resurrection “ [Muslim].


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