5 myths and realities about how to get a satisfactory relationship

5 myths and realities about how to get a satisfactory relationship


Sometimes, finding your own personality reflected in another person can turn off the desire to have a relationship.

The winter months are the most popular time of the year to look for love commitments and the summer months for romance.

But we may be looking from the wrong ideas of what love, romanticism and happiness are.

Is it better to look like your partner? Are married couples really happier in the long term? Is monogamy the best option?

The answers may surprise you .

At BBC we compile some of our favorite scientific research (many of which are contrary to logic) on this subject.

1. Neither you nor anyone really has a “type” of person

Online dating is now the most common way to meet a partner, although it can be intimidating to feel like one more profile among millions.

However, it can also be encouraging to know that in the midst of the wave of photos of people appearing on the screen, the perception of how attractive someone is may be influenced by the faces we have previously seen.

In this sense, research suggests that our perception of beauty , far from being deeply rooted, is much more ephemeral.

Appointment application
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption In the dating applications there is the “flash effect”, which makes the faces look more attractive.

Therefore, if someone visits your profile, perhaps it is not a bad idea to see you in the middle of a set of attractive photos of other people.

On the other hand, the fact that users of dating sites take a quick look at the photos, can also work in our favor.

Psychologists have detected that the faces in this type of applications are subject to what is known as a “flash effect”, which makes faces look more attractive because we look at them for less time .

The reason behind this, researchers suspect, is that this mechanism prevents us from taking a second look more closely because of the fear of losing a good candidate.

In other words, the idea that everyone has a “type” is not true.

2. Opposites do not always attract

It is not completely true that opposites attract. There are certain popular characteristics in a couple, regardless of how your personality is, such as being nice and not very neurotic.

Couple of women walking.
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption Having a partner opposite or similar to one can work in certain cases.

But sometimes “the best” characteristics in a couple vary depending on your own character.

For people who have an anxious style of attachment in relationships and who worry about the possibility of being abandoned, for example, having a personality more similar to your partner increases the level of satisfaction.

And there are other things where it is better to look like, as both are early birds or nocturnal owls .

But sometimes, finding your own personality reflected in another person can turn off the desire to have a relationship.

Some studies suggest that if one of the people is diligent, it is good that the other is not equal to balance the relationship.

3. Yes, getting married makes you happier, but not forever

If you and your partner are compatible, maybe they will get married. But what does that mean for your personality and your happiness?

Studies show that marriage causes long-term changes in the personality of people .

An investigation developed over four years with a group of 15,000 Germans revealed that after marrying, people showed a decrease in their level of openness and extroversion.

Couple on a sofa with a dog.
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption The effect of the “cocky married couple” can be real.


But looking at the positive side, there are people who say that after getting married they improved their capacity for self-control and their ability to forgive, essential qualities to maintain a long-term relationship.

And what about the arrogance of married couples? It can come from the fact that married couples really believe they are happier … at least for a while.

Research shows that levels of satisfaction increase in the couple after marriage , but after a few years, the degree of satisfaction returns to previous levels.

4. Separations change your personality

There are studies that have revealed a phenomenon that seems to be the opposite of the “effect of the arrogant married couple”: people also experience personality changes after the end of a long-term relationship.

Woman taking a picture.
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption When women get divorced, they tend to be more extroverted.
Man drinking a coffee.
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption When men get divorced, they tend to get more neurotic.

Research conducted with middle-aged people who have been divorced showed that women become more extroverted and open after cutting the link with their husband.

The men, on the other hand, did not handle the separation so well. They tended to become more neurotic and more meticulous after the divorce.

But a common characteristic is that both men and women tend to be less dependent after separating .

On the other hand, in the same way that separations change your personality, your personality affects the way you will recover after a divorce.

The more extroverted personalities tend to marry again faster, while the more neurotic ones tend to establish short relationships after divorce.

5. Polyamory can improve your friendships

Of course monogamy is not the only option.

Polyamory , a style of relationship between more than two people, may be a growing trend.

Unlike the infidelity that can exist in a monogamous relationship, in polyamory this happens openly and with consent.

Three young people under a tree.
Copyright of the GETTY IMAGES imageImage caption People in polyamorous relationships tend to have more intense friendships than monogamous couples.


Research has shown that people in polyamorous relationships maintain stronger friendships outside of their love lives, unlike monogamous couples.

And on the other hand, an online study found that polyamorous people are more prone to practice safe sex .

But if you’re not polyamorous, do not worry, because you’re not necessarily missing out on all the fun.

It may be that these people simply be more open all kinds of relationships (including friends) .

And there is research that has shown that, in general, polyamorists have more or less the same level of psychological well-being and the same quality of relationship as monogamous couples.

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Rava Desk

Rava is an online news portal providing recent news, editorials, opinions and advice on day to day happenings in Pakistan.


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